Style Conversational Week 1160: Top o’ the mourning!
The Style Invitational Empress on the week’s new contest and results
More than 3 inks per year of age: 79-time Loser — and 3-time winner
--(Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.), this week’s Meet the Parentheses
subject. See below. (By Tom Monitto)
By Pat Myers
Pat Myers
Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003
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January 28, 2016
As sure as taxes, this year’s obit-poem contest, Week 1156, yielded
hundreds of tributes and, um, “tributes” (maybe just “butes”) for those
who died in 2015 (As well as for Robin Williams, who died in 2014, and .
. . Ray Charles, d. 2004.)
How do you write about someone’s death for a humor contest? This week’s
inking entries — as well as dozens of other
very fine ones — display a variety of tacks:
1. *Choose someone who’s pretty anonymous who died in an ironic or
stupid way,* but stop short of being gleeful or saying that the person
deserved to die. This strategy was used especially frequently this year,
with fruitful results — Kathy Fraeman’s Inkin’ Memorial winner for the
woman who fatally adjusted her bra holster; David Friedman’s for the
burglar who got caught in a chimney; Nan Reiner for the burglar on the
lam who was the victim of an alligator; and Brendan Beary’s for the man
who died when the condom machine he was trying to rob exploded. In most
of the cases, the person’s name wasn’t even used.
2.*Keep the tone light and warm and skip the nastiness while also
avoiding being saccharine. *This is a challenge for regular Invite
entrants, who on other weeks can win valuable interesting prizes with
deftly wielded daggers. One frequent strategy is to make some wordplay
on death that's related to something the person was famous for saying or
doing or being; the majority of this week’s inking entries are good
examples of this tactic; Brendan Beary’s “passing” play, in reference to
Garo Yepremian’s least stellar moment in the 1973 Super Bowl (see the
video in the link in the entry), seems inevitable only because Brendan
thought of it.
3. *Or at least choose an indisputable villain.* Stephen Gold could be
as nasty as he liked to mark the death of “Jihadi John,” while wisely
not spelling out the man’s horrific deeds, or wishing the same for him.
3. *You might talk only about the person’s life, not his death.* I’m
thinking about Melissa Balmain’s rumination on Pet Rocks, the creation
of the late Gary Dahl; and Brendan Beary’s little dialogue between Omar
Sharif and Barbra Streisand on the reaction to their onscreen romance in
“Funny Girl.” But almost all the inking entries referred to the person’s
death.
4. *And as always, using a light-verse form *— strict rhyme and meter,
sometimes bent for humorous effect; as well as natural, readable syntax
— reminds the readers that we’re out to be both gentle and witty.
All four of this week’s “above-the-fold” winners are renowned in the
Invite for their poetry ink. It’s the second win, but the first Inkin’
Memorial, for Kathy Hardis Fraeman, a musical-theater buff whose
parodies are the cream of her 74 blots of ink, 12 of them in the Losers’
Circle. Stephen Gold just won the Week 1154 parody contest on animal
themes; that one, for Cecil the Lion, could have been used for this
contest as well. And Nan Reiner once again scores multiple poetry ink
with her amazing long-line verses.
But it’s first runner-up Brendan Beary who’s the unassailable Invite
Obit Odist: Since I started running this annual contest in 2004, a few
weeks after starting this job, Brendan has had, by my count, 45 obit
poems published: In Week 643, there were /eight. /In Week 748, there
were /ten./ Four have won the contest, and that many more were
runners-up. And while of course I marvel at his ink this week, my
favorite Brendan Obit Poem is this one for Fred Rogers from 2004 (Week
539) — one of two Mister Rogers entries that brought him ink.
I can’t say I’m brokenhearted
To find out that he’s departed.
You laud his life and wipe a tear;
Not me — he ruined my career.
I should have left him years ago;
He never let me change, or grow!
I had to play some half-wit babbler;
I’d done “Streetcar”! “Hedda Gabler”!
Now I’m typecast, just some joke,
All from those stupid lines I spoke.
So mourn his passing if you choose,
I’ll lie in the sun and snooze,
And wake to arch my back and hiss:
“Yo, Fred Rogers: Meow meow THIS.” — Henrietta Pussycat
, Pittsburgh
*REDEFINE PRINT: FINISHING OUT THE DICTIONARY IN WEEK 1160*
This week’s contest — the last of the genre unless we can come up with a
twist on it, or if we think we can mine the same lode yet again — is
straightforward, and in this week’s introduction
I link to the two sets of results that contain
P- through Z-words, the section of the dictionary we’ll be using; if
you’re entering this contest, be sure you’re not sending in the same
joke (though you could send an alternative definition for the word).
While I regularly speculate on joke definitions for obscure Scrabble
words, I think you have a better chance of getting ink in this contest
if you play on a fairly common word; if the reader isn’t familiar with
it in the first place, it’s not as funny to see it misinterpreted. (We
do have a perennial contest for the other type, when I list
weird-sounding words from the Oxford English Dictionary and ask people
to make up definitions; we ought to do that one again soon.)
*MEET THE PARENTHESES: (MATT MONITTO, BRISTOL, CONN.)*
/Matt has been wowing Loserdom since his freshman year of college with
his amazingly accomplished song parodies, as well as a wide range of
other entries (including this week’s). And while I’m sure he values his
three Inkin’ Memorials more, Matt also scored a Camaro and a bunch of
student loan payments with the grand prize in “Wheel of Fortune”
in 2014. We’ve had the delight of meeting Matt in person during the
THREE times he’s driven all the way to Washington to come to the Losers’
annual awards funfest, the Flushies: twice from college in North
Carolina, and last year from back home in Connecticut. We hope he can
make it back on May 22!/
*About me:* Age: 24 going on 11. Located in an unorthodox state of mind,
usually in a body in Bristol, Conn., also the home of ESPN and of ESPN.
Part-time community theater actor, part-time freelance sportswriter,
full-time snarker.
*Official Loser Anagram (aka * *Granola Smear): * “Man Tit Motto,” which
I suppose would be “Now: lactose-free!”
*What brought me to the Invite:* I heard a few Invite entries on “Car
Talk,” including Week 672’s road signs
and
Week 736’s “make the Car Guys laugh.”
I then forgot about the Invite for a few years. During freshman
orientation at Elon University, while a small group of us were being
given the “don’t drink and drive” spiel, I said, “Because you can’t
spell ‘felony’ without ‘Elon.’” No one laughed. A few weeks later I
stumbled on the Invite again. I sent in one entry for Week 902,it got
printed,
and I kept going. Being a philosophy major, I found plenty of time to
attempt to come up with entries (emphasis on “attempt”).
*Proof I’m a Loser:* My introduction on “Wheel of Fortune” included my
three Invite wins.
*Favorite entry: * Excepting song parodies for length (Week 1011’s
American/“Major
General,” Week 1101’s Peter Pan/“Defying Gravity,” and Week 1152’s
“expel Muslims”/“Tomorrow” are highlights), my favorite entry is
probably my third win, the Week 1033 “fa-” limerick. I came up to it
while turning into a church parking lot where I was about to play Jesus
at a Vacation Bible School.
/A physicist/humorist, Nell,
Had a comedy show where she’d tell
Of her spreadsheeting gaffes–|
It drew thousands of laughs
Because farce equals math times Excel./
My other wins also have odd stories: I came up with my Week 1009
winning
entry a few seconds before sending them in, and my computer crashed the
day I was going to send in my Week 935
poems; I was able to rewrite the winner with a new fourth line. On the
Devotees Facebook page, Ward Kay mentioned that a computer crash is
usually a sign of a good entry. He was right. Thanks, Ward!
*What do you do outside of the Invite?* I act in community theatre shows
whenever possible, and also do some freelance sportswriting, where the
concept of printability is even more important. I spend far too much
time reading at bookstores, and not nearly enough time reading at
bookstores. And I sing all the time – in the shower, driving, in line at
the grocery store, testifying before Congress, etc.
*What do you want to be when you grow up? * **Well, “up” may be tricky,
as I’m 5-foot-3 and was often used as an armrest by fellow students.
*NEXT LOSER BRUNCH: SUNDAY, FEB. 7, NOON, AT KILROY’S*
I should be able to come to brunch at one of the regular places on the
Loser rotation. It’s still at noon, but the Kilroy’s
buffet is all breakfast food these days
(but a less costly $12). For drivers, it’s conveniently right off the
Beltway at the Braddock Road exit near Springfield. RSVP to Elden
Carnahan from the Losers’ website, NRARS.org (click
on “Our Social Engorgements”). As always, we’re always eager to meet new
Losers and even those who are just Invite fans, as well as get together
with the Usuals.